BTW rant on yelling at people in RL

[Dr.Gonzo]

My wife is a bank teller, and when I brought her from work she cried for two hours before she could tell me why. My wife is average height, skinny, and extremely shy (my oposite, hehe). Welll it turns out that her boss and her co-workers decide it was yell at the quiet girl day. She's so quiet and tries not to be notice, and these... people want to open fire on her.
For me, I coach boxing and am active in it as well a bit of martial arts and sport-fighting, my dad was marine recon and pretty fierce at home. Lets just sum it up to I dont shy away from things when they get physical. What I'm saying is when people yell at me (and it happens more often than you'd think people would yell at a nearly 300lb and built man) I dont understand that they are not trying to get physical. I am even tempered and even in situation like this I'm more calm then you may expect, but in my head Im sitting there going, does he/she really want to fight me? No, they cant be looking for that.
So, anyway I could'nt for the life of me figure out how to handle this situation. I want to go and calmy talk to her boss, about how she doesnt know us and my wife is an employee and not some easy target, but Im sure if this person is as billigerent to yell at my meek little wife, she'd probably just as soon fire her than say "you know your right, I was way out of line".
In truth I want to go down there and Conan the crap out of those freakin people.
I know yelling at people has seem to become common place in today's... well everywhere, but I dont understand why we're supposed to take it. The last I waited tables my boss came up to me and started yelling, at the time my wife just got her bank job and was making quiet a bit and my semester was about to start so I decide to yell back "(plz use your imagination to insert some choice words im leaving out as well as, dramatic angry I twitch and imposing bulk)SO YOU WANT HANDLE THIS BY YELLING, HUH. WELL I PROMISE IM A DAM SITE BETTER THAN YOU AT IT... OR", I take a breath and put on a charming little smile and in a kind calm voice say "we can this in a mature and adult manner". Surprisingly I didnt get fired, and the boss no longer yelled at me, but continued to yell at others. Truly a great day for me, but my wife cant bring herself to speak louder than a loud whisper.
This may be a hard but any advice?

EDIT: btw if this is inaproppriate or in the wrong place I apologize.

[Iiliani Seadream]

Ack. Working in that kind of job it's bad enough getting yelled at by customers, you should be able to expect support from your co-workers, not more abuse.
I think I would start looking for another job were I your wife, they don't sound like the kind of people you want to spend 8 hours of your day working with.
She shouldn't have to though, as it is not her at fault, but them.
I don't know much about this kind of thing, but I am sure there is some kind of organisation you can complain to about that kind of treatment?
Something like the Citizen's Advice Bureau?

[Ciarin]

My boss yells at me. It sucks. It makes me want to kick his ass, but I don't cause that would be stupid.

I yell back sometimes if I'm not in the mood for being yelled at.

Otherwise, I just stare at the person till they're done, then I ignore everything they said.

It takes practice, but after a few years of getting yelled in the military I've gotten used to it.

But your wife can make a complaint that she in a hostile work environment. Have her talk to HR.

[Jangral]

Aye, I used to get yelled at quite a bit at my old job because part of our job was to do some not so popular stuff. Didn't get yelled at by coworkers, but by the public at large. It can be hard to not start firing back at them, but it's really not worth the trouble you can cause for yourself.

Look at it this way. The people who are yelling at your wife are cowards. They are doing it because they know they can get away with it unless your wife really put alot of effort into putting a stop to it through established channels. However, as soon as she starts yelling back at her superiors they can turn it around and get HER in trouble; even though they were yelling at her first because it becomes a he said/she said kind of thing, and their word will more than likely carry more weight. So blowing up at them isn't usually a good solution, especially if it's YOU going down there and having it out with them. Like you said, in all probability you will just end up getting your wife fired.

The best solution I ever came up with is something like what's already been mentioned. Keep a calm and professional demeanor at all times. Always refer to the other person as Sir or Ma'am. NEVER use any form of profanity, because as soon as you do that you've given them a real complaint to use against you no matter how right you are. If they are invading your "personal space" ask them to please step back. And just respond with something along the lines of, "Excuse me, but if you would like to have an adult conversation I would be happy to talk to you, but if you're just going to throw a temper tantrum I have better things to do than sit here and listen to it." Something like that. They may think you're being insubordinate, but there's nothing there that they can really file an official complaint about without revealing that they were being unprofessional.

Remember though, there's nothing in any job description that requires you to put up with someone else being verbally abusive to you. I agree with the people who have suggested following established channels to file a complaint. The more you document this kind of thing, the more weight your following complaints will carry if this kind of thing becomes a habit.

[togashi]

Speaking from a boss's perspective, there's no reason to go yelling at someone in front of everyone. If you have an issue with your employees, it needs to be taken care of behind closed doors. Unless the employee is publicly making an a$$ out of themself in front of your customers, then it needs to be dealt with more directly, but yelling at them is still crossing the line. Managers are managers because they can keep a cooler head, supposedly. Does your wife's company have an open door policy? If so, have her take the issue to her boss's boss. Usually, banks are pretty quick acting in these matters. I know from experience. My teller supervisor almost got fired for being crabby on a daily basis when I worked for the bank.

I am fortunate my boss is nice to everyone and even though he acts just like one of us at work he still has that authority over us and we respect him. It is bosses like him that make work enjoyable.

[Tiladien]

A boss where I work used to be horrible at bullying employees. Would yell, threaten and sometimes actually hit. Worked for him for a long time but now most work places have zero tolerance for it. Someone finally mentioned it to the HR department and they informed him that one more time he'll be on the street. Worked wonders. Now he's helpfull, friendly, and respectful. If he does start getting out of line we just have to say, "Boss_01, I don't have to take this." and he backs off and leaves. We respect him more now that he'll actually listen calmly to us. We also know that if we step out of line he'll still come down on us like a ton of bricks.

[Tenolein]

I worked as a cook then later as a kitchen manager for almost 4 years at a bar. My boss was mostly a really cool guy. But when things go wrong, then he'd have his fit. He'd yell, throw stuff across my kitchen, then be very big asshole. I dealt with him many ways. If it were my fault and I knew it, I'd agree with him, and add that I was stupid, and appologized for it. If it wasn't my fault, then I'd ignore him completely, as he wouldn't be yelling at me, but just in general. But if he yelled at me for no apparent reason, I did this:

/say Hey Jerry(boss's name)
Jerry looks at me, eye to eye.
/emote sticks middle finger in Jerry's face.

Only reason I did that and get away with it, was mainly because of 2 reasons, 1) He knew he was yelling for no reason, and 2) I worked there for so long, and being the best employee there, he knew it wasn't worth firing me over.

I know that's not something EVERYONE can do, but hey, maybe it'll work, although I highly recommend you don't try this at home.

I say do what the others said, just keep cool and calm, even be a 'smartass' about it and ask why all the yelling. You never know what'll work.

[Unacera]

I too am extremely shy and have problems speaking up when a coworker or manager unfairly yells at me.

The advice I have been given in the past is to start with a simple "Please don't yell at me." If it continued, then say something like, "If there is a problem I'll be happy to talk with you about it. There is no need to yell at me."

If that doesn't work then follow the open door policy and complain about the poor treatment. No one is paid enough to deal with this kind of treatment.

[rayfinkle]

my boss yelled at me the other day, i walked out said F-U. next day i got called in and got fired.

[Gnomish]

I had a job at Petco, and was wrongly dismissed (i wasn't even informed of my Dismissal til i called and asked when they needed me to work), when i told my dad, he went ballistic, and was gonna go to Petco and YELL at my bosses... he didn't, being the professional he is, but darnit i knew he wanted to tear the manager a new one, especially when i went in to get my paycheck and (suprise suprise) they didn't have it.... >_< that was my turn to yell... i just cussed at the one guy, and got my check later......

if her boss and coworkers had no reason to yell at your wife, then go tear them a new one (I keep saying that today...)

[Min the Druid]

My old boss that used to yell at me was just doing it, I realized, because he was totally inadequate as a manager. When he got fired, the new managers were confident in their own abilities and knew what they were doing and how to actually lead people. So, they didn't have to yell at people. People worked harder for them, too.

[Velenka]

I'm convinced at LEAST half of the people in management positions have no right being there, but that really is not my place to say. Also, I have never been at the top. Assistant manager, yes, but that just meant I got to deal with the hard customers, hear the complaints and act as the mediator between unhappy employees and jerkoff managers, and take the brunt of customer ire at managment's decisions. :roll:

Really looking forward to being my own boss.. only 5 more months..

I have to say that Unacera's method sounds like the most mature and the most effective, and shouldn't be that hard for a meek person to do. I haven't tried it, but I imagine it would make the yeller feel like a complete ass ;)

Barring that.... if there's another job to be taken, I'd say TAKE IT. Life is too short to surround yourself with unpleasant people who'll just make you unhappy and drag your quality of life down into the mud....... I know, easier said than done..

[Allpowerfulsam]

this is why my dad refuses to be employed by anyone other than himself

[Dr.Gonzo]

Actually, there were two job-types I have had where I have been yelled at, expected to be yelled at, and didnt mind. The first one was seine(sp?) fishing, where the people have made up there own language, which consists of cussing and throwing things. The other, as Tenolien knows, is the restaurant industry. Ive done cooking and waiting tables, cooks and the cooking staff can get soo angry. Luckily, I cant help but to picture folks who yell the way these folks do as huge babies and end up laughing.

[Meeshter]

my mom yells at me all the time...
"clean your room!, Go to church!, Eat more veggies!, Don't smoke!
[Zugg Edit] You no use dat talk or Zugg barsh.[/Zugg Edit]