Kikaro
07-28-2005, 11:49 PM
I thought I would post something I am working on and see what you all thought of it. Its not the best and I currently only have 8 chapters written but its a project I have been working on for about five years and have finally taken the time to get some work done on it.
Its not perfect, i know there are probably still some grammar errors and what not, but I am just curious on what people think of it. I would love to hear your opinions good or bad.
Reunion
Chapter One.
Call my name...
"What?"
I will come to you...
"Who are you?"
I will rescue you...
"Rescue? I don't understand. Where am I?"
So you...
"Please tell me who you are!"
Can save me...
"How can I save you if I don't even know who you are?"
Silence filled the void. A loud crack of thunder boomed in the darkness. The sound of wind could be heard howling across the open void. A man stood suspended in the darkness frozen in time. Another boom of thunder and a bright flash of white light filled the void. The man closed his eyes to shield himself from the light. He opened them and watched as the light faded away revealing the world around him.
He squinted and raised his hand to his eyes trying to shield them from the fading light. After a few moments the light was gone and darkness had once again filled the area. This time though he wasn’t in a pure black void he was outside lying in a field. He could feel a cold breeze and hear the rustling of the grass around him.
"That voice..."
He pushed himself up and looked around. He saw he was in a field of tall grass, the wind was blowing gently causing huge ripples to move throughout the field as if it were an ocean of green. His eyes adjusted finally and saw it was nighttime. Millions of stars lit the black sky giving a soft glow to the sky. Clouds were moving in blocking the stars from sight as more thunder boomed in the distance. He looked all around and saw in the distance a city covering the landscape with dark clouds above it. A storm was rolling in.
"Where... Where am I?"
He finally stood up and looked towards the city. It was huge. The entire horizon seemed to be littered with buildings, some reaching high into the heavens. He noticed on the ground a back pack, he picked it up and looked through it. Just the basic essentials, food, water and a cloak. He put it on his back and began to head towards the city as if he were drawn to it.
The wind picked up and he realized that the sky was now bathed in the dark clouds. He felt a cool drop of water on his face and soon more followed. The rain poured down as he made his way towards the city. Soon he was drenched and small puddles were forming under his feet as he walked.
"This just doesn't seem right."
He couldn't remember ever seeing this place, or any other place for that matter. The first thing he can remember is the voice in the dream.
"Who was that I wonder...? She sounded so... Sad."
The voice in the dream was so faint, but very clear on his mind. He had no idea who she was but felt drawn to her.
He was getting closer to the city and could see just how high the skyscrapers actually went. The tallest of the buildings were actually just below cloud level. It was an amazing sight to be seen. The buildings seemed to be made of pure glass. Little glass walkways jutted out here and there connecting to other buildings, inside little figures could be seen moving around. At the entrance to the city he saw people standing watch, probably guards of some sort. The closer he got the less green he saw on the ground. The grass was pretty much gone at this point leaving only a barren field of dirt which was quickly turning into mud from the rain.
The path began turning into cement and lamp posts were placed along the side giving off a dim yellow light. Small buildings, more likely houses, littered the edge of the city just outside huge walls with glass towers. Everything seemed darker in the rain. His hair was falling into his face dripping from the falling water. Up ahead he could see the guards standing under the awning to stay dry. The tall gates were closed allowing no one to enter without the guards approval.
He reached the entrance as the guards moved to stop him.
"State your business."
He stopped and just looked at the guard.
"Please state your business. The city is closed to visitors after hours."
He hesitated again not sure what he was doing here.
"Are you deaf? State your business."
At this point he could tell the guard was getting quite irritated with him.
"I... I don't know..."
"You don't know? So you thought you would just walk into Alma without a reason? Show your identification badge please."
"That's the problem I don't know where I am."
The guard looked at him curiously.
"You're in Alma. Capitol of Heaven."
"Heaven? I'm sorry I don't really know anything..."
The guard turned to his associate and raised an eyebrow.
"Well... Without proper identification we really can't let you in."
He pulled his bag down and opened it up, going through the contents.
The thunder cracked in the distance and lightning arced across the sky illuminating the ground below it. The second guard who was standing back a bit turned to the first guard.
"This storm came in very fast..."
"What does it look like?"
The guards both look puzzled.
"What does what look like?"
"Identification? What does it look like?"
The guard pulled a badge from his belt and showed it to him.
"It would look something like this, although probably green, or blue instead of black. Black is only for military personnel."
He was still digging through his bag when he pulled out a silver card.
"What about this?"
"What's that?"
The other guard looked closer.
"Silver? What is that?"
The first guard took the card and swiped it on his wrist computer. The screen flashed with some information.
"Kikaro huh? But... uh..."
"What is the matter?"
The man placed his bag back over his shoulder and looked at the flashing screen.
"Um nothing... Nothing at all sir."
"Why did you just call me sir?"
"You really don't remember anything? Anything at all? This says your name is Kikaro."
"My name is Kikaro?"
"Yes, Kikaro Hotari. Other than that I cannot check your info, you sort of out rank us..."
Kikaro looked puzzled.
"What do you mean I outrank you? In what?"
"Well, we have black badges, we are military personnel in Heaven. Black and red are standard military badges. White badges belong to higher officials in Heaven, including our president. Silver... Well I did not know we had silver..."
"I wake up in a field, find myself not even knowing my name, and now you're telling me I am in the military?"
"Well like I said never before seeing silver, you might be above the military. I will call the commander and let him know you are here."
"No."
Kikaro stopped him from getting his communicator.
"But sir, I have to inform the commander before I let anyone in, seeing as how you would have clearance he would have to make the call to let you in."
For a moment all three of them stood there silent. The first guard had his hand ready with the communicator.
"Don't."
"I'm sorry sir if the president himself were to come at this time unannounced I would have to get clearance."
"You don't understand, everything is very groggy to me and before they start trying to ask me questions I just need a little bit of time to sort things out. I know you are only doing your job but I have to do a few things before I can talk with them."
He looked at the guards and felt something building up inside of him.
It felt like fire.
"Sir I… I don't know we could get in a lot of trouble for letting you in."
"I take full responsibility."
The second guard looked to the first and shrugged.
"If anything happens we have to tell them the truth you do realize that?"
Kikaro nodded.
"Yes I know, hopefully I will get to them before they find out. Nothing bad will happen I promise."
The guards hesitated again then opened the gate.
"Go on. I do not like this one bit…"
"Thanks friend. I won’t forget this."
Kikaro adjusted his bag and went through the gate. The fire he felt seemed to vanish. He passed under the huge metal gate and into the city of Alma. The streets were paved with black bricks and the buildings were mostly made of cement. Street lamps lit the path as he walked exploring the city.
People were scarce it seemed at this time of night. He really wasn't even sure what the time was but he knew it was probably late. The few people he did see were trying to find a shelter out of the rain.
He walked further down the wet street and found a small enclave under some stone stairs that was dry. He kneeled down and crawled in finally getting some relief from the rain. He pulled out his dry cloak and covered himself in it and sat watching the water outside his little hole. After a few minutes he was fast asleep.
Its not perfect, i know there are probably still some grammar errors and what not, but I am just curious on what people think of it. I would love to hear your opinions good or bad.
Reunion
Chapter One.
Call my name...
"What?"
I will come to you...
"Who are you?"
I will rescue you...
"Rescue? I don't understand. Where am I?"
So you...
"Please tell me who you are!"
Can save me...
"How can I save you if I don't even know who you are?"
Silence filled the void. A loud crack of thunder boomed in the darkness. The sound of wind could be heard howling across the open void. A man stood suspended in the darkness frozen in time. Another boom of thunder and a bright flash of white light filled the void. The man closed his eyes to shield himself from the light. He opened them and watched as the light faded away revealing the world around him.
He squinted and raised his hand to his eyes trying to shield them from the fading light. After a few moments the light was gone and darkness had once again filled the area. This time though he wasn’t in a pure black void he was outside lying in a field. He could feel a cold breeze and hear the rustling of the grass around him.
"That voice..."
He pushed himself up and looked around. He saw he was in a field of tall grass, the wind was blowing gently causing huge ripples to move throughout the field as if it were an ocean of green. His eyes adjusted finally and saw it was nighttime. Millions of stars lit the black sky giving a soft glow to the sky. Clouds were moving in blocking the stars from sight as more thunder boomed in the distance. He looked all around and saw in the distance a city covering the landscape with dark clouds above it. A storm was rolling in.
"Where... Where am I?"
He finally stood up and looked towards the city. It was huge. The entire horizon seemed to be littered with buildings, some reaching high into the heavens. He noticed on the ground a back pack, he picked it up and looked through it. Just the basic essentials, food, water and a cloak. He put it on his back and began to head towards the city as if he were drawn to it.
The wind picked up and he realized that the sky was now bathed in the dark clouds. He felt a cool drop of water on his face and soon more followed. The rain poured down as he made his way towards the city. Soon he was drenched and small puddles were forming under his feet as he walked.
"This just doesn't seem right."
He couldn't remember ever seeing this place, or any other place for that matter. The first thing he can remember is the voice in the dream.
"Who was that I wonder...? She sounded so... Sad."
The voice in the dream was so faint, but very clear on his mind. He had no idea who she was but felt drawn to her.
He was getting closer to the city and could see just how high the skyscrapers actually went. The tallest of the buildings were actually just below cloud level. It was an amazing sight to be seen. The buildings seemed to be made of pure glass. Little glass walkways jutted out here and there connecting to other buildings, inside little figures could be seen moving around. At the entrance to the city he saw people standing watch, probably guards of some sort. The closer he got the less green he saw on the ground. The grass was pretty much gone at this point leaving only a barren field of dirt which was quickly turning into mud from the rain.
The path began turning into cement and lamp posts were placed along the side giving off a dim yellow light. Small buildings, more likely houses, littered the edge of the city just outside huge walls with glass towers. Everything seemed darker in the rain. His hair was falling into his face dripping from the falling water. Up ahead he could see the guards standing under the awning to stay dry. The tall gates were closed allowing no one to enter without the guards approval.
He reached the entrance as the guards moved to stop him.
"State your business."
He stopped and just looked at the guard.
"Please state your business. The city is closed to visitors after hours."
He hesitated again not sure what he was doing here.
"Are you deaf? State your business."
At this point he could tell the guard was getting quite irritated with him.
"I... I don't know..."
"You don't know? So you thought you would just walk into Alma without a reason? Show your identification badge please."
"That's the problem I don't know where I am."
The guard looked at him curiously.
"You're in Alma. Capitol of Heaven."
"Heaven? I'm sorry I don't really know anything..."
The guard turned to his associate and raised an eyebrow.
"Well... Without proper identification we really can't let you in."
He pulled his bag down and opened it up, going through the contents.
The thunder cracked in the distance and lightning arced across the sky illuminating the ground below it. The second guard who was standing back a bit turned to the first guard.
"This storm came in very fast..."
"What does it look like?"
The guards both look puzzled.
"What does what look like?"
"Identification? What does it look like?"
The guard pulled a badge from his belt and showed it to him.
"It would look something like this, although probably green, or blue instead of black. Black is only for military personnel."
He was still digging through his bag when he pulled out a silver card.
"What about this?"
"What's that?"
The other guard looked closer.
"Silver? What is that?"
The first guard took the card and swiped it on his wrist computer. The screen flashed with some information.
"Kikaro huh? But... uh..."
"What is the matter?"
The man placed his bag back over his shoulder and looked at the flashing screen.
"Um nothing... Nothing at all sir."
"Why did you just call me sir?"
"You really don't remember anything? Anything at all? This says your name is Kikaro."
"My name is Kikaro?"
"Yes, Kikaro Hotari. Other than that I cannot check your info, you sort of out rank us..."
Kikaro looked puzzled.
"What do you mean I outrank you? In what?"
"Well, we have black badges, we are military personnel in Heaven. Black and red are standard military badges. White badges belong to higher officials in Heaven, including our president. Silver... Well I did not know we had silver..."
"I wake up in a field, find myself not even knowing my name, and now you're telling me I am in the military?"
"Well like I said never before seeing silver, you might be above the military. I will call the commander and let him know you are here."
"No."
Kikaro stopped him from getting his communicator.
"But sir, I have to inform the commander before I let anyone in, seeing as how you would have clearance he would have to make the call to let you in."
For a moment all three of them stood there silent. The first guard had his hand ready with the communicator.
"Don't."
"I'm sorry sir if the president himself were to come at this time unannounced I would have to get clearance."
"You don't understand, everything is very groggy to me and before they start trying to ask me questions I just need a little bit of time to sort things out. I know you are only doing your job but I have to do a few things before I can talk with them."
He looked at the guards and felt something building up inside of him.
It felt like fire.
"Sir I… I don't know we could get in a lot of trouble for letting you in."
"I take full responsibility."
The second guard looked to the first and shrugged.
"If anything happens we have to tell them the truth you do realize that?"
Kikaro nodded.
"Yes I know, hopefully I will get to them before they find out. Nothing bad will happen I promise."
The guards hesitated again then opened the gate.
"Go on. I do not like this one bit…"
"Thanks friend. I won’t forget this."
Kikaro adjusted his bag and went through the gate. The fire he felt seemed to vanish. He passed under the huge metal gate and into the city of Alma. The streets were paved with black bricks and the buildings were mostly made of cement. Street lamps lit the path as he walked exploring the city.
People were scarce it seemed at this time of night. He really wasn't even sure what the time was but he knew it was probably late. The few people he did see were trying to find a shelter out of the rain.
He walked further down the wet street and found a small enclave under some stone stairs that was dry. He kneeled down and crawled in finally getting some relief from the rain. He pulled out his dry cloak and covered himself in it and sat watching the water outside his little hole. After a few minutes he was fast asleep.