I thought I'd never do this on here(Love Question)

[Da_Dude]

Well, here I am proving myself wrong. First time I ever saw one of these "love question" threads I was highly sceptical of it ever receiving good advice froma gaming forum. Well, after reading/posting on this forum and see the well thought out posts I decided I would change my view. So here I go.....

Okay, so far my luck with girls has been...umm lets just say not as good as I could hope for. Been in one relationship, if you can call it that, screwed up and then went in to utter depression....yes I am a sad little person. Well, I learned from that experience and have learned not to be so emotional about relationships.
Well, here is where my question comes in. On the firts day of school in my history class I noticed this girl who I think is cute. After about two days my teacher gave us semester long partners whom we will be doing our almost daily group classwork with. As my luck would have it my teacher paired me with that girl. Go me!
From the amount of time that I talked to her I have gathered she is a pretty nice person. We havn't exactly had like in depth conversations, due to the short time frame our teacher give us to do the work with our partners, but we get along fine. From what I can tell she doen't hate me (good thing), but I'm not really sure how she feels about me beyond that. I don't know that much about her, but intend to change that soon.
So my questions are:
1) How do I start a good converstaion while working on history without seeming nosey?
2) When should I express my feelings about her and how?
3) How and when shoudl I ask her out?
4) Four is throw in anything else you can think of that could help me.

Thanks for reading this and helping me out. Look forward to comments.

[Evil_Gondi]

Fourth of all, can you tell if she holds interest you? That can be established knowledge by letting her start conversations, letting her say hi first, the simple way she looks at you; stuff like that.

1) If she looks really cheerful, ask her what's made her day. Then elaborate.

2) This can come off a bit creepy early in a relationship, and even more so before one has started. I know from experience. If you two hit it off and it lasts for a week or so, or whenever you're comfortable, admit you had a crush (I presume your my age, so we call 'em crushes) on her awhile before asking her out. After much longer, admit more if you need to.

3) How: Depends on your style. You could be blunt and just ask, or be sly or something and ask her to go to a movie (or something of the like) as friends, and if that goes well, say something along the lines of (once again, only if your style), "Y'know, this was really fun. Maybe we should go out with eachother and do it more often." When: Don't take too long to build up the courage, but don't rush it and ask too soon. It's a bit hard to find the right timing, so it may be just best to come out with it.

4) Don't forget to wear deoderant. Oh, and make sure she's not taken.

[Rookie]

Well Dude, the one thing your going to hear alot on hear is "Be yourself". Which is good advice. NOBODY ELSE SAY IT, ITS BEEN SAID! Now, you don't want her thinking your somebody else.

Now that "BE YOURSELF" is OUT OF THE WAY

1.) I reccomend talking about stuff like, "One time I..." or "You ever..?" like so.

"One time when i was ten, i broke a bone falling from A_High_Place_92382"
She may reply, "Oh that sucks, one time i broke a bone after i got thrown off Transportation_00120"

or, "You ever been to a theme park?"
She may reply, "Oh yeah, there was this one time at..."

2.) Just say nice stuff like, "You know, your really pretty neat." or little compliments. Or "Your really pretty."

3.) How? well the best way i found is usually: "So, you going to the movie this weekend? I can pick you up if you wanted to go." Or something like that. When? thats a little more difficult. I would probably say after you've established a working relationship and she's comfortable around you and you around her.

4.) Communication is a big thing. Being able to find out anything about a person is through communication. Getting comfortable around a person is another. Even just walking up and starting a conversation may help. I notice you have AIM, so if she has AIM too, maybe get her address and start chatting with her on that. But don't establish a completely internet relationship, try to even talk on the phone casually, or talk to her during school/class.

Good luck man, its all i've got. And now i know i'm not the only one with problems :)

I really need to practice what i preach...

[Evil_Gondi]

I really need to practice what i preach...

Yeah, same here.

[Da_Dude]

Fourth of all, can you tell if she holds interest you? That can be established knowledge by letting her start conversations, letting her say hi first, the simple way she looks at you; stuff like that.

Okay, that brings out a #5. What is the best way, beside just bluntly coming out and asking, to find out if she has intrest in me?

[Rookie]

5.) Something that i think i've been tricked into: degrade yourself. I find that i accidently admit i like people when girls say, "God i am ugly/fat/stupid"

then i end up saying, "No, your not ugly at all, your really pretty." or, "Your not fat, your just right/good/perfect the way you are." or, "Your grades don't say that/don't say that your really smart."

The women do that to me all the time, then i realize what i've done and go, "OH CRAP!"

[Korkskrew]

I'm gonna assume you're in highschool, so what you could do is just ask for her MSN or Aim or w/e and chat with her. See if you have any mutual friends or w/e just by asking things like "Do you know... Yah, we'e pretty tight." Just things like that, and if you find you have a mutual friend, get them to ask her about you.

Most importantly, be confident, and act cool. Don't get all freaky and intimidating and just act casual around her. Almost every girl I've met finds confidence sexy, so yah, be confident, but not arrogant. Arrogance is a turnoff apparently.

Now, I've heard that some girls are genuinely interested in being your friend, and wouldn't think of going any further with you. I know, sounds crazy right? I hear some will even willingly refuse sex, and are actually interested in developing an actual relationship! I know, it surprised me too.
(That was a joke.)

Girls are tough man, they're like a puzzle, a soft, nice smelling puzzle, that will reward you if you solve them. Wow, that was a terrible simile.

Girl's are tough... and I'll leave it at that.

[Breandan]

I could tell you what works (or have the ladies I have wooed tell you ;-) ), but frankly, what works for me doesn't seem to work for others, so I dunno. But, for posterity's sake, here goes-

1) I am blunt... VERY blunt. Not to sound arrogant, but I walk into any situation like this without fear, for a couple of reasons- A) I know who I am and I am happy with who that is, B) I know what I want in life and will not compromise for less, and C) what's the worst that can happen? Should have been killed or died a dozen times over, and yet I made it somehow, what the hell could be terrifying after that? Because I do not fear rejection, and because I do not compromise who and what I am, I find myself freed of the chains of social masks and pretense, and can be, well, me, unfettered and without worry. So, if I have a question, I ask it. Likewise, if asked, I answer honestly. Many women have learned the hard way not to ask me questions they do not want honest answers to :twisted:

2 & 3) Pretty much the same as above, but wait until YOU know what those feelings are. Lust and love are often confused early on. Once you know, just tell her, and then ask if she would like to go out on a date. Depending on how deep-seated her social programming is, this sort of blunt approach may throw her, because the stupid little courtship song-and-dance of intimation, hints, and flat out deceit has been violated by a straightforward question. Frankly, if she is into those sorts of petty childish games, forget her and move on to someone worth your time.

4) Balance looks, personality, and sex out with one another. Do not focus on one more than the others, because they each matter. No one else will tell you this in any dating column or book, but all three are equally important. A looker with a dead personality is no good, likewise a woman with a great personality but bad looks will end up as a friend and not a lover. Sex is an important part of any long-term relationship, and if it is crap, it will cause stress in the relationship. You need someone who is attractive enough to satisfy your desires, who is compatable with you sexually, and who's personality fits yours well. You should compliment each other, not compete with or drag one another down.

[Rookie]

<_<


>_>


can you say that word here!?

Breandan, you may new my new dating master. Tell me more secrets.

[Wolf]

Haha, I met my current girlfriend type thing (long story) in history class too. One thing that pulled her to me was one day I was wearing a hoodie and I had a pop tart in it all broken up and crap (kinda still in rapper), and I kept subtley pulling pieces out and thats what got her to start talking to me lol.

[Mutton]

I'm currently working on something similar, which is wonderfully strange for me. I've never taken well to romance advice and the standard stuff I hear always makes me edgy, reclusive and disenheartened. But this is how I'm approaching my strange new wonder.

First and last, I'm being true to myself. If I start lying to myself about what my feelings really are then things are going to get very awkward very quick. Note this is not the same as being yourself. You're experiencing new combinations of sensations. You can't expect to be yourself, things are not exactly normal.

Secondly, remember what you learned from the Tao Te Ching and Sun Tzu. If you didn't learn anything from those two books then hopefully you picked up the lessons elsewhere.

To sum up, Keep it all in perspective. They are human too. If you don't understand what it means to be human then there's no hope.

[Rookie]

If you know me, you will know i have not had the most succesful love life in the world.

I almost succeeded, but a slight problem occured.

But i've had off and on "crushes" but none have worked. Believe me, you will know it when it happens for me.

So i always check these type of threadds for advice that may improve my "game".

So you can use my advice at your own risk. :lol:

[Daiv]

I believe you become stronger of mind by learning from your own mistakes.

Asking friends for advice in general is fine, but about specifics? Not so sure.

G'luck.

[Silvercalipso]

Bleh, I totally disagree with you Breandan. Looks may be initially important but they aren't important to a relationship. When I met my boyfriend my first impression was that he was a huuge nerd. He was not the greatest looker out there. Now I think he is the most beautiful man I've ever seen. Good sex? pfft... That's what communication is for. If sex is initally bad it can be improved!! Personality is the only thing that never changes. In a long term relationship looks come and go, often times sex fades away. The only thing you can depend on is that wonderful personality that holds you forever.

[Insomniac]

Hmm....I met my husband in history class....trend?

You could always try....looking like your avatar! Cary Elwes is HOT!

Seriously, though...when I was in that situation, my motto was "go with the flow". Every time I started worrying about anything, I would tell myself, "Whatever is going to happen will happen, and if nothing happens, oh well."
Don't know if that would work for everybody, though.

[HyfighStereo]

The advice I can give that seemed to work out very well for me in highschool....

Workout pretty regularly. I was a little over-weight before I started highschool but did pushups and situps in my room for about an hour or two a night. By the time my freshman year was finished I had lost a ton of flab and had a really nice figure. I know most people will tell you being physically attractive isn't everything, but they are full of it. Generally speaking it is the physical attraction that got their attention in the first place.

Go into every conversation with the utmost confidence. The worst she can say is no... Trust me from experience, the world doesn't end if someone thinks you're a dork. Being able to walk right up and start talking to a girl and her friends is actually pretty impressive for that age catagory.

Learn to read body language. This is how I found out what girls were actually interested. The more interested they were, generally speaking, the more physical contact they had with you (i.e.-touching arm).

Finally, flirt. Flirting is not only fun, it's necessary... This is another good way to find out how she feels. Their response to your flirting is a big give-away and generally leads to the lesson above...

[Leanora]

Make sure that shes not a user/abuser. If she's using you for the grade (I've seen it done) don't get involved, cause it'll hurt more.

Also, is she a dramatic type...or an abusive type? These are good things to find out before things get serious because these are the sort of things you'll have to deal with in ANY relationship...and it goes for both guys and girls.

Lastly, I'd have to say, keep an eye on her friends too. If I remember correctly, sometimes you could tell what some people were like by what their friends were like. It's not always true, but if she treats her friends like crap, what might she treat you like?

I know, I'm bitter, :evil: but I say better protected than getting caught stark naked. :shock:

Tell us more about your observations :D

[Da_Dude]

Okay, Leanor ahs made a good point. With the little experience I have had I know that how you act and what you should say has ALOT to do with the girl herself. So here to better help you assist me I'll give you the best personallity summary I can.

She's not the diva type.
She is kinda quite.
Likes to laugh.
Self contained.
Modest.
And as far as using me for the grade I doubt it for two reasons: The teacher picked our partners and we both seem to be on the same level as far as understanding goes.

Thanks for all the advice guys keep it coming its helping me get a grasp on what I need to be doing.

[HyfighStereo]

Being a little quiet means you will want to start the conversations. When she begins starting them, that will mean *hopefully* that she is comfortable around you.

The more jokes the merrier. Being as she is predisposed to a good sense of humor, be funny. A joke, or a witty comment can be the BEST icebreaker.

Being modest... I assume she doesn't get a whole lot of compliments? After she is comfortable with you (once she starts conversations and you have spent plenty of time with her) throw her a compliment peridodically. Nothing too drastic but something like 'Hey, nice shoes' would be a good way to ease into that.

Don't be affraid to make fun of her or youself, but don't be mean about it. It's another good icebreaker if you don't go overboard about it.

[Silvercalipso]

If you can go off campus for lunch ask her to join you! Unless you're really nervous asking she won't confuse it for a date. I always felt this was a good way to get to know someone. Use studying as the excuse.

[Joborab]

Compliment her on her hair.

[Rookie]

WELL, an interesting thing happened today at ze fair.

Not to me unfortunately, but to my buddy. earlier in the day he was following (now his girlfriend) this girl around and talking to her. He told me he was going to ask her out tommorow. But, as i was waiting for somebody to get out of the elephant ear line (45 minutes!!!) he comes up and says, "I moved up my plans."

"What?"

"I asked her, she said yes."

And when i walked outside she was holding a bouqet (spelling?) of flowers he had apparently got for her.

Thinking maniacly as i do i picture it happening like this.

He walks up and pops the question and holds out ze flowers. Of course since this guy bought her flowers, how could she say no? Thus he lured her into a trap. :twisted:

Lure her into a trap, when you ask her out, offer flowers or something material. She cannot refuse or everybody will think she's stuck-up and mean. :twisted: scare tactics.

Just kidding don't do that, but it appears to have worked nicely.

[Evil_Gondi]

It's Bucket, Rookie. (Kudos to the person that knows what I'm talking about. No, it is not really bucket.)

And also, don't be a raving romantic and fall in love with the woman of your dreams. Literally.

I had a strange dream last night and the girl I was going to ask out no longer appeals to me. Or any other beyond physical attaraction that is.

Then again I could be sabotaging myself because of my own fears.

*COUGHERMMAHEM*
Some advice if it goes well.

Be sure to be looking at her face as well, whenever you're talking to her. That's a definite plus. And always compliment on looks.
Take your time and don't rush. Don't take baby steps either.

Some girls like constant attention, others don't. Don't smother them with love, but don't be light on it either.
It's all about finding the right combination for the woman your shooting for.

And some advice incase it goes sour:

There's more fish in the sea. Do not compare with the Dead Sea.
She was just unable to see the awesomeness that was you, and you shouldn't hold a grudge against her or anything, unless it's needed.
If she is kinda popular, you might expect some teasing.

[Rookie]

And don't get too involved.

I had a friend who got so attached to this girl, that when she dumped him, he went into withdrawls.

thoughts of suicide and the like.

Wasn't good for his psyce when he got another girl, got attached, made out with her, and she dumped him all within 4 days.

Now he hates all women.

Learn from his mistakes.

[Da_Dude]

Yes, I was very near to that stage at one tiem and have learned: DONT GO THERE. One day I just woke up looked myself in the mirror promtly slapped myself and decided to let, go move on, and dont make the same mistake twice. Thats part of the reason I came to the forum for help to help prevent myself from making the same mistake again.

[Rookie]

Pfff, i haven't had the opportunity to make mistakes.

Is this lucky? or is it a curse...

Ah, i still want a girfriend. All my other friends have made me envious.

and today did not humble my ideas.

[Soulcollector]

oki I am just going to rack up how I do this
okis?

1) How do I start a good converstaion while working on history without seeming nosey?
You can't... simply can't... no matter what you open up with... its obvious. So forget the whole thing about keeping a low profile. you want to get to know her? show it, get chatting

2) When should I express my feelings about her and how?
You express feelings as you can feel your honest about them... No You do Not Love her after knowing her for a week... thats not love, thats a "crush" or have "fallen in love"... love is what you have when your doing the dishes while she is cleaning the kitchen
Either way... start small... just a little gift, flowers are a cliché... but say the girl that honestly don't like flowers
Flowers the first time your invited over to her place, if you got the age for it : wine
Either way just play it slow... don't just throw up money as if you were made of it... thats not honest

3) How and when shoudl I ask her out?
Well what is asking out to you? I can ask a girl out for a coffee the first thing I do just to get a chanse to sit down and get to know her better
Tip , ask the girlie out for a little social get together with you and your friends
table top games like monopoly or Risk or something easier are great for these times ... well... so is heavy drinking, IF she drinks and YOU can hold your liquer
Tell her she can bring a friend if she wants... if she brings a male friend... well... take it as a bad omen
Somewhere around the innitail sate... ask her what she is doing " that day"... if it sounds fun, ask if you can come. if she says no: you can't join, don't try and talk her over. just relax, ask about another time
If she don't have anything to do, say that you are doing ( enter just about anything that isn't geeky, or perverted here ) and ask if she wants to come Even if you didn't have that planned for that time, you know she is free, take the shot

4) Four is throw in anything else you can think of that could help me.
Okies... my best tip for having a good life with women : stay the **** away from them!
Honestly! 65% of the time, women are more trouble then they are worth

But another tip, if you don't care to listen to the one above
Get to know her first, example, with my current gal I said " in two weeks I will know if this is someone I want to be with"
I spent two weeks talking to her over the phone and just being socialy friendly with her
After that I felt that I had seen enough to know that it was a gal I could spend more time with, then I tock things up a notch and made my intentions more clear, asking her our for coffee and just giving her Lots and Lots of complments ( pardon the spelling )... and about 2 weeks after that we were an item

If the girl says she isn't interested... she isn't... get over it... don't try and proove what a grat guy you are... if you are a great guy, then it's her loss, no reason for you to be heartbroken over some gal that isn't even worth you. There are plenty of gals thet you don't know and look interesting enough to ask out for a coffee... just look around the corner next time your down town and I assure you you will see a suitable replacement

EDIT :
Just a little something for everyone
the perfect relation don't exist, all lasting relations need about 50 years of hard work put into them... it's never going to be a walk in the park during a summer sunset... No not even with that big boobied gal or the guy with the washboard stomach
The perfect man/woman don't exist
Unless your partner beats you or is completly retarded, Things Will Not be better with someone else see the movie high fidelity a few times to get my point
Don't find someone else before you break up, thats not honest and it will cause you plenty more trouble then it's worth

[IS_Wolf]

If the two of you need to work on a project for the class, and it doesn't require going to a library, and the options exists that you either go to her place or yours.

Then ask, if she studies with music on or not, and if so what type of music she studies with.

a) It'll tell you about her taste in music and thus possibly the type of person she is in private.
b) If you two do become an item, then you'll know at least one gift you can give her. A CD of her favourite musician(s)/band.

It's also a way to get out from underneath the obviousness that soulcollector mentioned. Different people study with different music playing.

Possibly what works for her, might not work for you (Italian Opera vs Old Country for instance). Knowing this ahead of time, can save you both some serious headaches.

Also as mentioned before, during one of the sessions, mention that you've grown hungry, and that you're planning to grab something to eat, and if she's interested in either joining you or if she wants for you to pick something up.

Again, you gain valuable intel, while under the cover of casual conversation. Please note that these two subjects cannot become constant openings for discussions.

Most likely, they're a one time use only, or in the case of the food one. It could pop back up, with you remembering what she wanted the last time. Just don't do it during every session. One encounter off, two off, three off, back to two or one etc. Mix it up.

[Abubblehead]

Wow, well, um...*cough* yeah.... well, I gotta go...

See, that was awkward. You might have to expect that statement. Were there any other females even in the replies for this thread?!?! Sheesh, well, I'm 23 and in a four year long relationship, so I'm sorry if I stomp-o on someones parade of ideas, but some of this stuff is silly. You boys are putting too much emphasis on gifting. Its like watching animal planet: in the wild, a common prelude or part of the mating ritual is presenting a gift of food or nesting. Thats what those flowers or little trinkets represent. Cute as they are, that is a clear representation of your intentions. How bout putting the brakes on? Relationships take a lot of effort and time. Sure, I'll take your word on it that she's cute and stuff, but if you're already that nervous about taking that step, hold off for a while. Like some of the replies before me, you will need to know yourself and what you really....really want before going after someone with possibly the exact difference of waht you want.
Finding a chickadee to stick with is tough anyway at that age. Hell, I know guys, its tough at any age.
Think about this for a second: most relationships should last what...2..maybe 3 years before deciding if it is good enough, right? After that (like my FOUR years, but we are planning thank you, but money is an issue), you should know if you want to marry this person. Two or three years is long enough. Say you start a relationship with this girl and you go out all through high school. In two or three years, are you ready to get MARRIED?

Last bit: I was in a steady relationship every year in high school except sophomore year. I still wish I could have had a few more dates because at that age, you learn more quickly exactly what you are really on the search for. By senior year and first year in college, you get down to really picking up those who arent going to give you the typical song. dance, bullshnike. :)

[Rookie]

You know what, scratch what i said about my buddy and material stuff. They already broke up :shock:

so yeah, no happily ever after.