The Nymph needs advise

[Nymph]

Okay okay , I know I usually don't do this myself, but i'm in between a rock and a hard place. My Boyfriends and I are having serious issues. They got so bad that I moved back to Florida to try and make things better. So far it is diffenently NOT working. I gave up everything for this guy.....and I do mean everything. Family, good job, etc.... and it was okay for 2 months then for like 6 months I was a shadow on the wall. The romance disappeared, it jus got bad. I asked him what was I doing wrong and he lost it, asking me why everything was about me and so on. This blew me away seeing I always placed him and his children first before myself. He said he was overwhelmed and alot of other selfish things. So I moved back here to Florida. Well he barely calls me, everytime I ask him just to split up with me, he says NO......ACK I am so confused. I feel like a girlfriend of convienence, and I don't like it. He says he needs time to get his head outta his butt... HIS words not mine. So far the feeling of rejection is killin me inside. I love this man with all my heart, but I am so tired of crying myself to sleep, and I'm tired of giving 150% and getting nothing back. Other friends have said to just not chase him, which no worries there I refuse to do that, and let him come back to me. Give him time and space ...etc... So I am trying, I have been upbeat the last few times we have talked......BUT ! Our year anniversary was 2 weeks ago, he forgot, no worries i'll remind him....NOTHING !! He could have cared less, and yet still proclaims his love and want to be with me??!!??!! Do you see my confusion? and what should I do? I am trying to be patient and supportive, but I am feeling rejected and worth nothing....... WHAT SHOULD I DO ? :cry:

[Evil_Gondi]

Dump him and move on.

[Gavin Darkhart]

in any relationship the key is equality.

Both partners need to be putting the same amount into the relationship, both need to be taking away the same amount.

It sounds very much like you feel you are putting far more into the relationship then he is, and like you feel he is taking away far more then are you from the relationship.

as it stands, no one, neither you nor him will be happy with the relationship. something needs to change. either something as simple as telling him its over or as complicated as trying to work the problem through. the only question remains is one for you,
Is the relationship worth saving? do you feel that what will almost certainly be a long and painfull process of learnign and growing for both of you is worth the end reward of maybe a happy relationship?

[Korkskrew]

I realize that when you're attached to someone, breaking it off with them is very hard to do. I know all to well.
But, you've got to look inside yourself and ask, "Will I be happy a year from now? Five? Even twenty?"
In the end only you can decide, but from the sound of things It doesn't seem like this has much of a future.
If it were me, I'd break it off, but you're not me, so just ask if this is what you really want.
If you think it is, then confront him, and talk to him. He may try to squirm out of it or change the subject but hold your ground and tell him what you really feel. That will either make of break the relationship.

[Dilorenzo]

Gotta agree with what Kork says, and, as much as I hate pop psychology, communication really is the key.

A bad relationship is good for noone involved, so, if you can make things change by explaining things to him, go for it. If it doesn't change, as hard as it is, you have to walk away from it- it'd be better in the long run.

Just make sure that whatever you decide in the end, that it'll make a better life for you.

[Ammo0]

I agree with all the above, but just to add. you said he has kidds, they should be his highest priority. If your not gona dump him for what hes done to you dump him because he needs to raise his kids and tell him that. good luck, i hope it helps

[Nymph]

Tried to communicate my feelings, but it shuts him down. So I am kinda vering from that right now. As for his kids, he's a good dad. I have kids too, and right now they are my highest priority, that and school. I am going to let him have his time, I mean even if I did break it off it would take a long time to get over him and move on anyway, so all I got is time to give. I'll see if he truely tries to work things out for himself, as well as for us. I love this man with all of my heart, and it just feels like I am failing if I just say I had enough, and didn't truely TRY to give him the time he asked for. Does that make any since ?

[Dilorenzo]

I suppose it's easier for us on the outside to tell you to just get out- but I know that doesnt always work when you're in theactual situation.
If you think giving him time is the right thing to do, then you should- but don't give him any more time than he deserves. Take into account the way he's acted towards you recently, and just follow your instincts.
Like I said before, just make sure the decision you make is the right one in the long run.

[Nymph]

Thank you guys for being here for me in this really irritating time , and giving me great friendly advise. I loves ya ALL...../ BIG HUGS !!!!



So how long before I can call time and beat him horribly ?

[HyfighStereo]

Dump him and move on.

Perfectly said. An ex-girlfriend of mine acted like that. Turns out she was cheating on me for 1.5 our 3 years of our relationship. Chances are that is what he is referring to when he means 'pulling his head out of his butt'. He's just trying to figure out a way to have his cake and eat it too. Get rid of him. It's not going to work. The relationship should be give and take, not you giving and him taking...

[Evil_Gondi]

So how long before I can call time and beat him horribly ?

If you really wanna wait, I'd say about a month.

And just because you love someone doesn't mean it'll work.

[Soria]

Hmmm May I suggest something wooden and altered from it's orginal form when you beat him?


I'd say metal, but wooden stuff burns easily, so they can trac it to you.

[Takara]

First problem I see is that the FIRST thing you said is that you:
gave up everything for this guy
Relationships can't work when you think this way. Lives evolve and change and grow, and when you look at it that you gave up YOU for HIM, you are setting yourself up to lose your identity and be used as nothing more than what you value yourself for, which, from the tone of your post, isn't much.

You gotta value your life, and what you bring to a relationship first before he can.

[Nymph]

What I meant by everything , was my job, child support, time with my kids, my apartment. I didn't lose myself or my self worth. When the seperation was being discused I was suppossed to stay in his and my residence still. But as it ended up I now live with my parents. He said no worries I'll help you out until you get on your feet....So far....errrr....NO. He still has our house, etc...etc.. I gave up everything materialistic, and now I am having to massivly struggle to reclaim what I can. IT will be after school before I can get a full time job so that I can move out and get my children and I a new place to live. I understand changes one makes in a relationship, all I am saying is that when it came to the " me moving, and promises to help" I didn't get it, nor am I getting any. Which is fine, I have always landed on my feet someway or another. I will again. IF anything this relationship is teaching me that no matter what some people says, no matter that they claim to love you, it doesn't mean that they are not lying thru their teeth when they say it. Sorry I know that's a really bad way to think, but I'm slightly jaded right now. Personally this is teaching me to not ever trust anyone else when they say " no worries i'll be taking care of you...no no no honey you don't need a job, relaxe...keep the house clean and that's all I ask". I gave up my independance once.......shame on him....IT won't happen again.

[Satrah]

I'm gonna agreee with everyone here....Dump him. He is so not worth it. There is someone out there for you...and this jerk isn't it. Been where you are at. Trust me...you'll feel bunches better with him not in your life. It took ages to not hurt too.

But dang it, I left for the sake of my kids, and my own sanity. Don't fall for the "Oh I promise to help." I've heard that too...and like you...saw no results. They don't help, they don't want help, they like the free ride we gave them. Let him stand on his own two feet. He'll fall....don't bother to pick him up.

You're gonna do fine =) *hugs* It took me a while too..

[MIKECLAN]

Another vote for the "Dump Him & Move on" Option, and for the same reason. Your Mistake was This: I gave up everything for this guy.....and I do mean everything. Family, good job, etc

I've NEVER seen this work out. Its one thing when say a Married couple has to pull up stakes and move so one person can follow a job/education. Then its a TEAM decision. Self-Sacrifice for someone like that.. Dump Him. Fast. Take some time, rebuild a bit, then get a BF who gives a damn. Might I suggest www.matchmaker.com?

[Erling E.]

I think he is unsure if whether or not he wants to be with you, but he's afraid to lose you because then there is no way back. He want his cake and eat it too, as you people say. Of course, I don't know the details here, but it really sounds as if he just wants to keep you in his right hand, while he tries to find something better with his left.

[Nymph]

Matchmaker.com ? Sure now there's a place I could find something better.....heck maybe this time he'll be my very own Serial Killer !!!!!! :twisted:

Sorry but those kind of sights scare the crap outta me ........

[Frodric]

Ok I have to say you need to leave this individual. Btw, the giving up everything bit is really counter-productive as it really stresses you to make things work when in other circumstances you would never have let it get so far to begin with.

[MIKECLAN]

heh~ Ya, it can be intimidatingto go for online dating. but hey, I'm a bad example~ I met my wife online :) 4yrs and going strong!

[Nymph]

Well I met him online, just not at one of those sights. He actually called the other night saying how much he loved me and Happy Be- Lated Anniversary.....I think I would have been okay with all that if it hadn't been to little to late. I explained how I felt and well he reassured me I was what he wanted,,bleh bleh bleh......I told him I had alot of thinking cause I shouldn't be the most important thing to him, but atleast come in second....lol...I dunno if he actually heard and retained anything I said, but we shall see. I hear everything ya'll are saying I truely do. My only concern is IF he is truely trying to better his self and I just toss a year of this relationship, then won't that in factr make me no better then him? I mean if I walk away then doesn't that mean I didn't give it MY best shot ?

[MIKECLAN]

Well, I think if you gave someone a Year to improve, and they only start to do so once you are actually stepping away.. What does that say about them?

It COULD be that Reality has finally set in, and he is making an attempt. But, if it takes him a Year and you going away, what does that say about the depth of His commitment? If he couldn't be bnothered to be better when you're There, will he really keep it up if you came back?