Now I see how U2's song works...

[Jacene]

Ever heard the song "With or Without You" by U2? At first I always wondered...how does that work?

Well I figured it out.

My friend named Jessica whom I have known for awhile has been through ALOT this past month, divorcing parents, hatred towards her for being the "accident" which is why her parents married, having a miscarriage, and other things and I have always been here for her and she tells me she truely appriciates that I am there and she honestly listens to what I say. On Saturday night we were together on her balcony until around 12:30am just talking, serious things, funny things, everything. And I have somewhat been having stronger feelings for her recently. I wish for her to be happy most of all but I want her to be happy with me...I know this sounds really stupid but she sort of is my "Dream Girl". About 6 years ago I liked someone, I was younger and stupid so I didn't take much consideration to it, but I never even knew the person I liked...its like she didn't exsist but in my mind, even then I didn't know what she looked like, or anything...I just knew I liked her alot.

When I met Jessica it didn't really hit until recently when I thought "Wow...this is her" because me and her both agree that we are so amazingly the same, we both feel we have known each other forever, and we have such a good relationship and we have known each other for just 3-4 months. I am closer to her than anyone else, Saturday night I told her something I have never told anyone ever, and probably never will again. I just trust her, I know her...she knows me.

So by now yall might be thinking "Whats the problem? Go for it!" well I do, I really really do, believe me, but I don't want anything to happen between us. Her relationships with her ex's aren't very good. And plus she comes to me when she is pissed at her boyfriend or whatever. I mean she is single right now, but when she did have a boyfriend, there I was, to catch her when she fell. Which this position is one I value greatly, I care for this girl alot, I love her and she loves me, we have said so to each other.

But one thing I hate...I hate I hate I hate is when she talks about guys she likes now. It just tears me on the inside. Any moment with her is a moment cherished, a moment I never want to forget. On Saturday there was a good hour or two when we just sat there talking, my arm around her and her head on my chest, just talking. I never wanted it to end. And I have been told by girls, that if they don't want you to get that close, they will either let you know right then, or the next time you try it, she won't let you, plus all I do is put my arm around her, shes the one who puts her head down. We cuddle like that almost everytime I see her and she never says anything about it. And she talks about other guys...and I just...I want to be that guy, but I also don't want to lose what I have now. I mean she has told me there is only two people she is really influenced by when they talk. Me and another friend she has known since elementary school. I feel honored being one of them, and as we were talking I knew she cared about what I had to say, she told me what I said to her meant alot, and it was supposed to.

And this guy she obviously is wanting to go for, and he wants to go for her, is a liar. He says to her "Oh I don't drink, I am a virgin etc. etc." well on saturday night he spent the night at a girls house, got wasted off his ass along with god knows how many other people and who knows what happened there? She knows he lied to her, but she seems to want to believe him when he said it was "His first time being drunk" I sat there in the room today as he told her that and just thought to myself "You are an idiot, you don't deserve her". And I feel like I should protect her too. I can see by looking at him he is only nice to a few people. Girls who he wants to get in bed with, and people who somehow benefit his image or his look somehow. I don't trust this guy, and I just would hate it if something happened to her and he did and knowing I could have done something to help her...I can't stand this guy at all.

But anyways. Like I said, I figured out U2's song, I can't be with her because I would lose my position I am in with her now...and I can't be without her because I want her so bad. And the fact that I want her and can't have her makes me want her even more.

[Breandan]

You have probably read enough of my posts to know the kind of world I come from, and how I am in general (if not, go back and read some of my posts), so you will understand that this is probably alien advice compared to what most will likely give. That caveat out of the way, here's my advice-

One of our ancestors' cousins in Gaul once said something that while brazen, is very true- "To the brave belong all things." If you want something, fight for it. If you love someone, tell them. If you want to be somewhere or achieve something, do so. Talk is for bragging of deeds done, not for dreaming about deeds that never will be. If you love her, and you tell her, and it all falls apart, so be it. Grieve for a short while, then pick yourself back up and reclaim your life and fight for the next goal. In anything we do, there are only two primary possibilities of overarching concern- we live or we die. The rest is just the details. If you lose her as a friend, is that so heavy of a price to pay for the possibility of being happy, being with the girl of your dreams, and being a good mate to her and saving her from some narcisistic asshat? How deep do your feelings truly run? Were they stong enough to be real love, then by the Gods boy, act on them or they are little more than lustfull phantoms. Speak your heart, for the universe pays no attention to those who remain quietly in the shadows hiding from their own feelings.

*HUGS!*

Do the right thing, boyo, for the both of you and speak your heart.

[Jacene]

Yea I have read many of your posts Breandan and I respect them greatly...and you are completely right. I will think a bit more but I am pretty sure I will tell her how I feel.

I just hope I don't ruin anything I really really hope I don't.

[Takara]

(snip)
If you want something, fight for it. If you love someone, tell them. If you want to be somewhere or achieve something, do so.
(snip)

AMEN! Living a life of quiet discontent can slowly tear you down.

Keep in mind, when you tell her, tell her with the INTENT of just letting her know how you feel, to comfort her, and to help her... NOT with the intent of "getting" her. Keep an open heart and hope for the best outcome for everyone involved. That way you lessen the fear of "losing" her if her response is not what you expected. Rather, try not to expect anything. This will also take the pressure off her to return the feelings if they are not as strong as yours.

I find that then you do things with a true, unassuming heart... where you don't have your own self interest at the forefront of your mind, the result is far more genuine and fulfilling.