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CeeJay
09-27-2005, 10:02 AM
Now, I know that Breandan posted a topic about being afraid of death, but I wanted to bring up something a little different : about how you deal with people dying. Now, I know it's never easy to lose a loved one/friend/family member, but I'm talking about people whom you don't even know dying.

For example : Last week there was a huge accident near my apartment. A mini-van had run into a truck (they kind they use to go up into telephone poles) and smashed itself pretty bad. The truck seemed unscathed, but was in a huge blaze. Basically, if anyone had been in there and hadn't been able to jump out in time, there was no chance that they would've survived. I was at the scene of the accident way too late to do anything (the fire completely covered the truck and the cops had already started arriving), but still, I fwelt bad that there wasn't anything I could do. I didn't like just being another curious onlooker, but I felt that going back into my apartment and ignoring it would've been even more cold, especially since the whole thing was only a block away from me. I finally went back upstairs once the blaze was out and the cops has started slowly directing traffic through the scene again.

But the whole thing made me think about how I deal with death in general. I work in an environment where, even though it isn't the only thing I write about, I do hear about quite a few people that die. Heck, I just got an e-mail 20 minutes ago telling us that somebody had gotten in an accident abroad and had passed away. That particular e-mail made me pause for a few moments, not because of who it was, because I didn't recognize the name at all, but because it made me realise once more how much I encounter these things.

Now, I know that death is a natural thing. We all die at some point in time. And shedding a tear for evey person in the world that passes on would leave me dry as a bone in ten minutes. But, I also don't want to feel as if I'm completely numb to it either. Death, in a strange twist, is an important part of life, so trivialising it seems disrespectful in a sense.

Any thoughts?

Breandan
09-27-2005, 12:24 PM
Most are skittish around it, and generally not sure how to deal with death. My problem is not knowing how to deal with those people, since death is, well, death, not that big of a deal. I grew up watching people die (LONG story, I had a single mother who was a paramedic and I spent a lot of quality time in the front seat of an ambulance responding to calls with her), and I have seen many people die in front of me, some from illness, others from accident, some from violence. I have gotten used to it, frankly. What I am uncomfortable with is dealing with people who are not so used to it when they inform me that someone close to them died. My reaction is pretty much a shrug-and-move-on sort of thing.

Daiv
09-27-2005, 01:20 PM
When someone close to me dies, it has a horrific effect on me. I become completely devistated. I generally take it *very* badly.

When somone local I don't know gets stabbed/shot/beaten to death I think "Oh ***t! I hate this place, better avoid that area for a while..."

Other than that I don't think much of it. I've got to get on with my life.

Serresrelic
09-27-2005, 01:55 PM
I haven't been around death nearly as much as a lot of people, but because of a couple odd circumstances, I've seen gory dead bodies and it doesn't really effect me anymore. The only thing that really bothers me is the smell... I don't think I'll ever get used to that.

Korkskrew
09-27-2005, 05:14 PM
I usually joke about death. If I could prevent it, I would, but when they're dead there isn't much you can do. They ain't coming back, so to distract from the pain, I make jokes. It's no insult to say a dead person is, in fact, dead.

Satrah
09-28-2005, 06:21 AM
Like Breandan, I've become a tad used to it. My father being a firefighter I would tend to hear the grim stuff and at times see it from photos. (Had a habit of eavesdropping.) It's death. The smell is not the most pleasent. (Use Vic's vapor Rub under the nose to cut the smell.)

Now...unlike Breandan, when death happens to someone I know, depending on the closeness...depends on the reaction. When my grandmother died, I had a fairly good idea it was going to happen. I had a good cry with her...and a good cry after she died. (And after crying with her, I did my best to make the rest of the memories with her happy.) I then moved on. (I also happen to have a few beliefs that made moving on less painful)

Those that are not family that die....well for most part they are far older then me and I expect it. (Meaning family friends) Every once in a while. I kind of get surprised when someone younger that I know dies. For most part...cause they are younger, and a part of me feels it shouldn't have been their time.

What really bothers the crap out of people though is when a child dies and I at times am unphased. The first reaction people have given me is "It could have been your child!!!" (I speak of the news reports that happened during Katrina...) *sighes* You know, I'm not going to go there. I look at the people that tell me this and do my best to bite my tongue until it's peirced. There was a lot of mistakes made during Katrina...and I'll just leave it at that.

Da_Dude
09-28-2005, 12:11 PM
I have been lucky so far not to have a human, that is close to me die. Although I have had my share of beloved pets die. People migth find it stange whne they hear that I cried when my pet died, and when I say cired I mean balled my eyes out for hours. But I love my pets and form a bond. But as of now thats all the expeince I have had with a close personal death. Suppose I should enjoy that innocence while I can...

Kallysti
09-28-2005, 02:38 PM
I have been lucky so far not to have a human, that is close to me die. Although I have had my share of beloved pets die. People migth find it stange whne they hear that I cried when my pet died, and when I say cired I mean balled my eyes out for hours. But I love my pets and form a bond. But as of now thats all the expeince I have had with a close personal death. Suppose I should enjoy that innocence while I can...

I was much the same, hon. I know you're a bit younger than me, if I may be presumptuous. It didn't hit me til my mid 20s or so, when suddenly my little brother died in a car crash. Also, had a grandparent die. And others since then.

In the first case (my little brother's) : shock. It took me over 2 weeks before it registered and after that there were still instances where it would hit me out of nowhere (2 years later and it still does sometimes) and I'd stop and almost start crying again. A movie I'd watch or something that reminded me of when we were kids. The "Oh, he's gone now" would hit me.

In the second case (grandfather's) : relief. Grandpa was so sick for so long. Pancreatic cancer, took it's time, too. He was on pain meds all the time, he was in so much pain. It was a relief to know when he was finally at peace. I miss him but at the same time, ya know?

I don't think I (not saying anything about "other people" since I am the only personal experience I have to go on) deal with death the same, in a set, formulaic way. I don't want to tell you: when someone I love dies, I do [such and such] or even when strangers die I react [thusly]. It's never the same. It's a case-to-case basis.