Much to my hubby's displeasure I have announced no more children. I thought losing weight and getting my blood sugars under control would really help with the next pregnancy, even though this one was an oops. I was doing well with everything.

Soon after I found out I was pregnant my mom finally found her birth family *cheers* and I finally know all sides of my genetic history.

I now know that any and all kids Mike and I produce have a 75% chance of developing a heart defect, with or without my diabetes as a factor.

Having said this, little man Ian who is currently residing in my belly for the time being will need open heart surgery soon after birth. There is also a possibility that he may have down syndrome. (not really worried about the Downs)

Hubby thinks I'm being unfair. I don't think that I am. I have serious health issues myself every time I get pregnant. I love being pregnant but my body absolutely hates it. I'm borderline preeclampsia and I've had it with my other two. I've been swollen with an extra 15 pounds of water weight since September (and I'm still expanding on that) and my blood pressure only behaves if I'm in a resting position with my legs elevated.

I'm just venting. No replies necessary, but thank you in advance.

You might not be worried about the downs now (I'm assuming this is because you're one of the few humans left in this world that actually cares), but trust me, you will later. You'll still be the same caring person, you'll just be stressed out from the trials of having to take care of your son (do we know for sure it's a boy? ) everyday. At the same time, though, you can't help but feel sorry for your son, who has to deal with it every second of every day of his life. You at least could send him to some institute or something when you get tired of it (please don't! D8), but he'll still have to deal with it. His down's won't magically disappear if he goes to a certain location. The only escape he'll have is fantasy (video games, dreams, books, movies, etc.). That's why I myself spend so much of my time gaming :P. I don't have down's myself, but I do have two other permanent mental disabilities (and technically, depression is a mental disability as well, but one that's easily curable when the right treatment is used, and is very rarely actually considered a disability), so I know a lot about some of the trials he'll have to deal with throughout his whole life (and a lot about mental institutes he might spend some time at as well >_<). This is, of course, assuming he's actually born with down's in the first place. Hopefully all will go well and he'll be born "normal" (apart from the heart issues).

One thing I'd like to ask: what exactly does your husband find "unfair"? 80

My cousin had Downs. I grew up with him, he was the most wonderful person, aside from my grandfather whom he was named after, I have ever had the honor of knowing and loving. I am not worried at all should he have it. That was never a worry, I'm in school to work with special needs, several family members are special needs. It's the heart conditions that break my heart.

My husband thinks I'm being unfair because I don't want to have more kids. His response was "It's only a 75% chance, that still leaves 25 open for nothing to be wrong." I told him it's not just that. Every pregnancy I have developed preeclampsia and that is just not good on my body, especially my heart and my kidneys. Adoption is always an option in my heart, but he wants to have his own. That is how I am being unfair.

Ask your husband how he'd like to raise these kids alone. YOU stand a greater chance of dying every time you get pregnant. I am an OB nurse, I work with women like you everyday...Pre-eclampsia is not a risk worth taking multiple times. I currently have a patient who lost her mother and an aunt to pre-eclampsia. Another patient had to end her pregnancy or risk dying herself. Children are a gift, but sometimes the price is too high. Talk to him about adoption...there are a lot of kids out there without parents (like your mom was). Tell him you want to honor her and her adoptive parents by following the same path (if, of course, you really want more kids). If he is insistant about "having his own" kids, look into a surrogate, at least then you don't risk your life. And remind him genetics isn't everything, just cuz they come from your DNA, doesn't mean they'll love you and treat you well in old age just sayin'. Good luck sugar, not an easy thing to deal with. But there are a couple of excellent high risk OBs in the greater Cleveland area (I used to live there) if you really insist on having more children.